


To Be Enough

by oninofukuchou (OrderOfRevan)



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Character Study, F/M, First Time, Porn with Feelings, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15688545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrderOfRevan/pseuds/oninofukuchou
Summary: Before they travel to Sendai, before he's fully recovered, a simple accident leaves the growing intimacy between Hijikata and Yukimura to blossom into something more.





	To Be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> There is not nearly enough erotic content for this character. 
> 
> I fully intend to change that.

The room was the kind of perfectly quiet darkness you only got in the quieter parts of the world where life had slowed down to a standstill. There weren’t many places like that anymore, not with the war ravaging every landscape south of Ezo and leaving all of Japan in shambles. 

It made him think, a lot, about how he should be out there. 

But after what had happened, he didn’t think Otori-san or Yukimura would let him out of his room until he could walk without the cane. 

Hell, she still wasn’t really letting him leave bed most days. 

She’d bring him everything -- 

Food, tea, his brush and inkstone, if he asked for it. 

She’d drape blankets over his shoulders and make sure to put heated stones in his futon so that he stayed warm. 

First, it kind of reminded him of Toku, but it didn’t really feel the same after awhile. 

He knew why. 

He wasn’t fucking stupid --

Or.

Well.

Not all the time. 

When a woman made all your meals and spent every moment doting on you during your recovery like you were her sole purpose for living, it started to send clear signals. Signals that maybe the reason she blushed around him so damn much wasn’t just because she thought he was handsome. 

He was used to that. 

But… 

Maybe.

Maybe she actually gave a damn in more than a friendly way. 

Course, it could be guilt. 

Like he said, he wasn’t stupid.

Toshizo knew Yukimura pretty fucking well after all these years. He knew her ins and outs, watched her tiny shifts in facial expression to know when she was hiding something. He’d grown familiar with the blush on the tips of her ears and sometimes wondered how far down it spread. There was the curve of her lips, whether she was happy or sad or angry, or how her mouth would press into a line when she was giving orders in a way that reminded him of winding country roads and the taste of the east and muggy, lazy summers by winding rivers. 

This time, it didn’t feel like it had in the past whenever that bastard Oni stuck his nose into things. It felt different, especially with vague fever memories from the earliest days of his recovery drifting through his mind, the feeling of cool cloth and soft fingers and tears shining in the darkness. 

And the slow dawning, stomach gnawing, realization that Yukimura held him in her hands. 

“Hijikata-san?” 

Her voice sounded and the shoji slid slowly open as she slipped into his little inn room. Looked like she’d brought her mending with her, clutched to her chest as she shuffled inside and closed the shoji behind her. 

Before long, she was sitting right next to him, legs tucked politely underneath her. This close, he could see the strands of her black hair coming loose from her topknot, brown eyes shining with truly annoying amounts of concern. 

He already knew what she was going to do when she reached out with her tiny hands to grasp his brush and inkstone, pulling them away. The set of her brows was determined, and her mouth jutted out into a pout, showing the full curve of her lips. 

But her hands were calloused from the work she did.

And in her gaze burned all the spirit she needed to out-stubborn him. 

“You should be resting,” she said at the same moment a sigh passed his lips and he reached up to run a hand through his hair, still not used to how damn short it was now. “You’re still recovering, Hijikata-san. You almost --”

He reached out, pressing his finger to her lips, watching pink bloom across her cheeks to match the color of her kimono. It hung different on her now than it had back during the night they’d met, flakes of snow caught in her thick hair, her eyes wide and brimming with hot tears as she tried not to cry, edge if his blade at her throat. 

A lot had changed since then. 

He’d… Lost a lot of people

But somehow… 

Yukimura was still here. 

“Shut up,” he muttered, listening to how bizarrely fond his own voice was. 

It didn’t even sound like it was coming out of his fucking mouth anymore. 

She did things to him, twisted him up in ways he’d never experienced. 

Toshizo knew what it felt like to fall in love, to burn fast and die slow, to lay with a woman and see comfort and meaning in her eyes. He knew what it was like to be on fire for someone, to feel lust pump through every bit of your body until you melted into each other. 

She didn’t know shit.

He knew that, but when he looked at her… 

She wasn’t that girl in the snow anymore. 

She’d filled out, grown up. 

And she looked at him like a woman looked at a man she wanted. 

Because he knew that look. 

He just didn’t know what to do about the fact that he wanted her back.

“Only if you agree to stop working,” she said, lips moving against his fingers, reaching out to grab his wrists. “Hijikata-san, you need to learn to value yourself.” 

He stared at her, found that he was laughing in spite of himself, as he moved his hand and placed it atop her head. She really had a way of putting him in his place, didn’t she? Even without knowing that’s what she was doing. 

“I need to work,” he said, “but I guess if you keep looking at me that way, I can take a break.” 

She reached up to grab his hand, something in her expression shy. 

It wasn’t really surprising, he thought as he looked at her. 

Yukimura was a innocent kid, in one respect, even if she’d seen a lot more than most women her age would have to see. Being no stranger to blood and war meant that there was steel in her eyes, but she was still young and unmarried and nothing like the women who lived in places like Shimabara and Yoshiwara. Hell, she wasn’t even like the girls he’d grown up around, probably because her father had sheltered her from the world. 

Both her hands grasped his, palms small, though her grip was strong. 

When Saito’d told him she struck without hesitation all those years ago, he hadn't been quite sure what to think. 

Now he knew that when she decided to do something, she always put her all into it. 

She was just as unwavering now as she always was.

And even if she didn’t have the balls to kill a man, sure sure as hell was every bit his match in pure strength of will. 

“If you run yourself ragged now, you won’t ever fully recover,” Yukimura said emphatically, her grip on his hands tightening. “You need to rest because the Shinsengumi needs you!” 

He sighed, shaking his head, as he reached out with his other hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Even if the skin of her hands were rough from all the work she’d done for them, her face was still so soft, a woman’s skin. 

How could anyone ever see Yukimura as a man? 

Thumb brushing over her cheekbone, he watched as her dark eyes flickered away from his face and she blushed again. She’d started to chew shyly on her bottom lip, filling his chest with a surge of excitement and affection, hot and staggering. 

All he wanted right then was to kiss her. 

Shit, he was an idiot. 

“Just the Shinsengumi?” he asked, letting his own mouth quirk into a smile as he started to draw away. 

Her eyes went wide and she reached out for him, trying to grab his hand to pull him back.

Instead, she lost her balance, toppling forward and landing gracelessly against his chest. 

Sprawled against him like this, he could feel every curve of her body that her flowing clothes normally hid. Her blush wasn’t helping things, and either was the way she shifted while trying to right herself, only pressing herself more closely against him. 

The movement against his body wasn’t doing anything good. 

Toshizo reached out, grasping her shoulders. 

She stiffened, looking up at him with her wide eyes and bright red face. Her expression was mortified, like she’d done something wrong like he’d never forgive her for ... Even though it was at least half his fault. Yukimura seemed primed to apologize, like the idiot she was, so he did the first thing he could think of to shut her up. 

He pulled her closer, tilted his head, and kissed her. 

At first she made a noise of surprise and protest, her entire body going rigid, but… 

It didn’t last for long. 

She melted against him, her hands weaving into the fabric of his juban, uncertain lips slowly starting to move against his own. 

And he should have pulled away, but he didn’t want to. 

Especially not when he grasped both of her hips in his hands and she gasped into his mouth. 

So he deepened the kiss, running his tongue over her lips. He could feel her swallow, felt the nervous tremble in her fingers, but she opened her mouth for him, taking his lead… Trusting him. Wasn’t something she should probably be doing, but when she enthusiastically tried to mimic what he was doing with his tongue… 

Shit.

He finally managed to make himself break away, palms resting lightly against the swell of her hips, and stared up into her eyes. 

Yukimura looked back down at him, surprise on her face, the tips of her ears pink. One of her hands reached out, tracing the shape of his jaw, and damn… The look in her eyes was so soft. A lot of women’d looked at him like this way or that way, but none of them had really been like Yukimura, sincerity tinged with innocence. She looked like… She looked like she couldn’t believe it, but like she’d somehow won a prize, like he was the most perfect thing in the entire damn world, and… 

And his heart hurt. 

He pulled her back down and kissed her again. 

Slowly, this time, savoring the taste of her. 

His fingers worked through the strands of her hair, and it was like silk, soft against his skin. She smelled good, clean, and her body was warm, and her lips were eager. The noises she made only spurred him on, little sighs that choked off into surprised gasps when he moved his hands up and down her sides, filling him with a yearning hunger to hear her voice do other things. 

It was heat, burning in his stomach, traveling up his chest, leaving him longing. 

“This isn’t a good idea,” he muttered against her mouth, even as he moved his lips to kiss the side her jaw, going lower to taste the sweat on her skin. “You should ask me to stop, Yukimura.” 

She just looked at him, fluttering her long, dark, lashes. He could see her mouth working, but her words were stuck, even though she shook her head adamantly, look of hurt confusion on her face. 

“Do you… Do you want to stop?” she asked him, then looked away; and shit, she was embarrassed, he could feel she was embarrassed, didn’t even need to really look at her to feel it in the heat on her face, but… 

“I… I want to keep going.”

Fuck.

Her voice was so resolute, too, even if she couldn’t look at him. Even if she kept biting her bottom lip, even if her fingers twitched nervous and he could feel it through the cloth of his juban. 

She drew in a deep breath, shyly glancing back towards him, her head bowed, peering at him from underneath those lashes. “It feels good, Hijikata-san,” she said, so sweetly that he just wanted to make her feel better. “Can we…?” 

He reached around with one hand and grasped her ass, pulling her closer as he leaned up to press kisses against her neck. In that moment, his mind could only think two things --

The first was that he was a fucking idiot for doing this, that he was just ruining her for marriage, that he couldn’t make her happy. 

The second was that he didn’t give a shit about the first thought, because he wanted her to be with him, to want him, to love him. 

And right now, he was gonna have her. 

Because when she said things like that… There was no way he couldn’t give her what she wanted, even when what she wanted was  _ him _ . 

Damn. 

She really _ did _ make him soft. 

Holding her in place with one hand, he braced his feet flat against the futon and slipped a thigh between her legs, then slowly started to rock up against her. Each pass of his hips sent pleasure throbbing through his body and he could feel himself getting harder, cock swelling in his fundoshi. But more important was the look on her face -- 

The surprise that slowly turned to pleasure as her eyes closed and she shyly started to rub herself against his leg. 

His other hand reached up, untying the tresses of her hair, watching the little furrow of concentration between her brows. How her lips fell open and her hands pressed hard enough against his chest that he could feel her blunt nails press into his skin. She was increasing her pace, starting to pant, lips not kissed enough for his liking parted as she started to make small, cute noises. 

Made him want to make her blush more. 

To embarrass her. 

Wouldn’t be hard to do it, either. 

“Do you like it?” he asked, reaching down to loosen her collar, using it to drag her back towards him. “Does it still feel good, Yukimura?” 

“Hi--” she began, gasping when he roughly pushed her kimono open, loosening it enough that he could see her breasts. 

He wouldn’t give her the chance to be cover herself, leaning his head down to scrape his teeth down the line of her neck. Her back arched, fingers scrambling for purchase on his chest as he traced a hot, wet path with his tongue down her collarbone, still tugging her kimono down to get her to lift her arms for him. 

Yukimura was pushing herself into him now, each pass of her hips against him pressing her thigh into his cock. She felt good, moving like she was, desperately, her small hands uncertain in a way that her lower body wasn’t. 

Honestly, he didn’t need to hear her say she felt good to know that she did, but… 

He wanted to hear it anyway.

“Come on, kid,” he muttered, staring up at her with half-lidded eyes, deliberately pressing his thigh up and grinding it hard against her core. “What does it feel like?” 

He had to grasp her wrists, one at a time, and tug her arms out of the sleeves himself to get her undressed, admiring the sight of her when he did. Slender, but her breasts were bigger than they looked in men’s clothes, and the sight just made him want to see more of her, to touch every bit of her. 

“Well?” he asked, leaning forward to press kisses to her chest, flicking his tongue over one of her nipples just to see the way she’d respond. 

One of her hands shot out, tangling in his hair, the feeling making him groan as she tugged his head head closer. Toshizo could only chuckle, but he liked it. Liked the feeling of her fingers. Liked how she wasn’t afraid to do it, either. 

He closed his mouth over her, sucking, scraping his teeth over her every once in awhile. Yukimura’s nipple was getting harder, and her fingernails were scraping against his neck and scalp, the noises she was making getting louder. His other hand rubbed her back, content at the feeling of her skin hot against his palm. 

“G-good!” she managed in a desperate, stuttering voice, arching her back to press her chest against his face. “Hi-Hijikata-san, it feels… Good! So good!”

He pulled away, licking his lips, trailing one hand up her stomach and over her ribs. Slowly, he began to idly rub his thumb over her other nipple, watching the way her eyes kept darting towards his hand, how she kept staring like she couldn’t believe it. Even now, she kept pressing into him, her hips still moving, the flush from her face spreading down her neck and covering her shoulders. 

“Yeah?” he said with a chuckle, pressing his lips against her bare skin. “Do you want to keep going, Yukimura?” 

Instead of answering, she grasped his face with both of her hands and kissed him hard on the mouth. Her teeth scraped against his bottom lip, still somehow a bit shy, but he opened for her, letting his hands fall to her hips again, working at the ties on her hakama. 

She needed to be naked, now. 

Needed to be pressed against him. 

He needed to feel every part of her body. 

Grunting, he pulled away from her mouth, kicking off the sheets. Without even thinking, he flipped her so that she was underneath him and yanked off her hakama, leaving her with a half undone kimono hanging around her hips. She looked beautiful like this, spread out before him, letting him kneel between her legs with her hair a mess and her lips red from kissing him. 

Even right now, she was looking up at him with such awe on her face that… Shit, it felt like neither one of them should be here, like he didn’t have any real right to touch her. Just like she couldn’t believe it, his mind kept telling him it had to be a dream, that she’d never want him like this.

But when he stripped himself down to almost nothing and leaned over her, her hands grazed his shoulders and chest with a startling tenderness. They traced the shape of the scars Kazama had left on his shoulder and side, brushing over his nipples, over his stomach, her touch so soft that it was teasing. 

Made him wonder… 

If Yukimura was already his, even before he’d ever touched her. 

The thought was too much to bear, because it made him… It made him think things he didn’t want to think about. 

Not right now. 

Not ever. 

Reaching down, he removed the last part of her kimono, tossing her clothing to the side. Not wasting any time, he disrobed her completely and left her naked, admiring her, the dark curls between her thighs, the way she demurely tried to close her legs as he stared at her. 

Shit, everything about her… 

It was so endearing. 

She was so… 

He leaned down, kissing her stomach, slowly pulling himself towards her mouth as he caged her beneath his body. Heat radiated off her, and his stomach twisted again as he pressed their lips together, running a hand teasingly along the inside of her thigh. 

Like this… She really looked like a woman.

_ Felt _ like a woman, especially when her arms wound their way around his neck. 

Firm, but soft. 

And gentle, so  _ gentle _ . 

He slipped his hand further up her thigh, rubbing soothing circles on the skin there, feeling her muscles tense underneath his touch. His fingers danced higher, and he made his touch soft for her, these warrior’s hands turning delicate just for Yukimura. 

Teasing her labia with prodding fingers, he found her already wet for him, her shocked intake of breath sending a shudder through his body. Toshizo bent his head, pressing kisses against her face and neck, listening to see what sound she’d make when he … 

_ There it was.  _

His hand paused, putting light pressure on her clit before he slowly began to rub, her small noises turning into surprised whimpers. The grip she had on him turned tighter, her fingernails digging into his back as she shifted and twisted her hips, writhing against the futon just to press against him. 

He dropped to his elbow, their bodies pressed closely together so that her breasts rubbed against him every time she moved. Her voice was adorable, and she kept begging him for something  _ more _ , though she refused to look into his face. 

She really was just… So beautiful like this, even embarrassed at her own pleasure. 

“Hijikata-san!” she gasped, moaning and spreading her legs farther. “Please! Please!” 

Could he make her drop the fucking honorific? Call him just ‘Hijikata’? 

She’d never call him Toshizo, but… 

Man, if he couldn’t aim for something better ‘Hijikata-san.’

After all, he was going to be inside of her pretty soon. 

The thought made him shiver. 

Nipping lightly at her earlobe, he moved his hand and then slowly started to press one of his fingers into her body. Yukimura whimpered in surprise and she tightened around him, enough to make him pause and soothe his lips over her shoulder. 

Fuck, she really was just so inexperienced with anything like this. 

“Breathe,” he muttered softly, withdrawing his finger just a bit before slowly starting to push it back inside of her. “Come on, Chizuru. It’s just me.” 

He pressed his thumb against her clit again, gently circling it, feeling her entire body twitch around him before she started to relax. All he could do was stare, stare as he pressed his finger into her, stare as she squeezed her eyes shut and panted. Strands of hair were stuck to her face, and her upturned nose was so damn cute that he couldn’t help but press a kiss to the tip of it. 

Shit, just the sight of her… It was enough to make his throat tight and his chest thunder. Just the way she looked right now, how she was trusting him with this when he knew for a damn fact no man’d ever touched her like this before … 

She must really want him back. 

She must really want this, right now, what they were doing, but… 

He had to make sure. 

“You’re still okay with this?” He asked, slowly thrusting his finger into her body. “You know what I want, right?” 

Her body seemed to respond to those words by trying to pull his finger in further. 

“Ah… You want…” she panted, her hips slowly starting to move against his touch again, her voice cutting off into a strangled cry when he curled his finger inside of her. 

Took her a moment to recover when he started thrusting harder, though her ability to form words didn’t seem about to come back. Especially not when he started to press another inside of her and all she could do was chant ‘yes’ and make desperate, little, noises for him. 

“I want you,” he told her, pitching his voice low as he shifted his weight to his legs and grabbed one of her wrists from his back, guiding her hand to touch him through his fundoshi. “You can tell, right, Chizuru?”  

She looked surprised, but instead of withdrawing her hand in shame, she… 

**_Fuck._ **

She started to rub her palm against him, her touch soft and tentative, but there just the same. 

And he could see how deeply she was blushing, how uncertain she looked, but it felt… It felt good, and know it was her touching him was… He felt like he’d been drinking, just enough to make him hot, to make him care less about the way he had to look to others. She made him not give a fuck about the world out there, made him want to lose himself for just a little while longer.

Toshizo groaned.

Groaned because of her, pressing open mouthed kissed against her skin as he shifted his hips back into her touch. 

His Chizuru. 

He moved his fingers more eagerly, stretching them inside of her, listening to the noises she made as she clung to him with one hand. Her touch grew more bold, leaving him to try to rip the fabric off his hips, her desperation driving him even more mad with lust. 

He was going to ruin her, ruin her for any other man, and he knew it.

But right now he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about any of that. 

She was his. 

_ His.  _

“I want you too!” she breathed out, arching her hips into his touch. “Please, Hijikata! Please, I want you inside of me!” 

That broke him. 

Without any more hesitation, he pulled away from her completely, wiping his fingers on the sheets. Could hardly move fast enough as he managed to finally free himself of his fucking fundoshi and wondered how long he would last when he could already see precum beading at the tip of his cock. 

It’d been awhile, and he was sensitive, and he was so mad with lust for her that… 

He couldn’t think, really. 

Not when he reached down to stroke himself to spread the precum along his shaft, biting his lip hard between his teeth as he stared down at Chizuru. She was staring back at him, her eyes wide, and she was probably the first naked man she’d ever seen like this. It was a look of shock, but there was hunger there, hunger as she stared at his hand, as he touched himself for her. 

Did she know what she’d gotten herself into? 

He breathed out a sigh and gave her a fond look, leaning back down to kiss her again, tender. 

Soft.

Sweet. 

“Don’t worry,” he breathed against her lips, reaching down to help her wrap her legs around him. “I’ll be gentle, Chizuru. I’m a demon and a fury, but…” 

He kissed her again, and again, and again, until he lost track and he felt her relaxing beneath him, the fingers of one of her hands carding gently through his hair. “I’ll make you feel good,” he promised. “I want you to feel good.” 

Then, he started to rub the tip of his cock against her, giving her a moment to get used to the feeling before finally --  _ finally _ \-- starting to push inside. 

She tensed for a moment, but he felt her relax only a moment afterward, one hand pressing flat against his back while the other tangled into his hair. Toshizo pressed his forehead against hers, breathing slowly so that she mimicked him, staring down into her eyes as, bit by bit, her body took him inside -- 

Hot, and wet, and … Fuck. 

That pleasant, slick, pressure. 

“Shit,” he groaned, pressing a sloppy kiss against her lips, their tongues tangling for a moment as he kept pushing, letting her adjust bit by bit. “You know how great you feel? Chizuru… So… So damn good.” 

She didn’t say anything, but he didn’t know if she could yet. 

Chizuru’s eyes were squeezed shut and she was grasping him, making small noises every time he pressed his lips to her skin. Sweat was slick between them, and it was only going to get hotter, wetter, until the room smelled like them. 

Later, he’d think about this.

He knew he would.

He’d touch himself and think about her, but right now… 

When he finally came to rest inside of her, giving her a moment to just… breathe?

She was all that mattered. 

She was his world burned down to a few points of molten contact. 

“Ready?” he asked, breathing the word against the shell of her ear, slowly grinding his hips into her. 

“Y-yes,” she managed to say, rolling her hips back against his, all shame lost now that they were joined. “Please, Hijikata…” 

He smiled, kissed her brow, and then… 

Then he started to move inside of her. 

Slowly, at first, trying to ease himself into it and find a good angle. 

Didn’t want either of them to come too quickly when it felt like he’d been waiting for this for forever, somehow. He needed her, to draw this out, to feel every bit of her as he moved and she moved with him. Needed so much for this to be good for her as much as he needed it to be good for him. 

It was her first time, and… 

Shit. 

If he could give her nothing else, if he couldn’t make her happy, he could at least give her this. 

With one hand he reached down to help shift the angle of her hips, listening to her cry out when he pushed into her again. Fingers scratched at his back and he hissed, feeling her squeeze around him, the light in the lamp burning brightly in the dim room. Chizuru tugged, pulled, at his hair, dragging his lips to hers, pressing her mouth desperately against his as she bucked back up against him. 

Sloppy, but what she lacked in skill, she more than made up for in enthusiasm. 

Holding her hip he helped her move in tandem with him, and like always, she learned fast. 

“Hijikata,” she groaned, her voice dripping sweet like honey. “Hijikata, please -- Faster.” 

Toshizo blinked, and then chuckled, pressing their foreheads together as he wrapped an arm around her body and shifted -- Shifted until he was driving into her with as much speed as he could manage. Beneath him, she cried out his name and arched, her entire body pressing against him, holding him hard enough that he might even bruise. 

He didn’t give a shit, not when she was begging for him like this.

Not when she was reducing him to a mess with her body and words alone. 

Especially not when he could feel her desire for him every time she moved back against him just so and he felt like he’d drown in her -- In her eyes, in the way she smelled like sex, in the feeling of her hot skin against his, and the way she sounded every time he’d push back in. The soft noises, the ones that traveled down his spine straight to his toes, especially when she’d call for him. 

Wasn’t about pride, now. 

Or how many marks he could get.

Or any of that stupid shit that it’d been about when he was a young punk straight out of his apprenticeship. 

It was about her.

Him.

This feeling of being together, of moving together, of… 

**_Them_ ** .

“You’re doing so good,” he said, brushing his nose over her cheek. “Chizuru… Let’s get you to come, okay?” 

She looked up at him with pleasure-glazed eyes, pupils blown out, warm brown swallowed with black. Hand loosened in his hair and brushed along his jaw, her thumb swiping over his lips, and he pressed a kiss to the pads of her fingers, his own eyes slipping closed. 

It was all he could do to grasp her hips with one hand, and then reach down between him, teasing her clit with this thumb before placing all his weight on his legs and driving into her, deep and hard and fast. 

Might be too much for a first time, he thought as he looked at her, but when he saw one of her hands tangle in the sheets and listened to her cry out for him without restraint… He just couldn’t bring himself to regret it. 

This might be the biggest accident of his life, but … 

There was no way he’d ever regret being with her like this. 

He’d cherish this sight, the feeling of her hips losing rhythm, of her entire body squeezing him, of losing himself… 

It’d be burned into him, branded on his skin, into his soul. 

He’d take it with him to his grave. 

Around him, her body started to spasm and he saw her, felt her, arch up into him as she cried out with his name on her lips. Just the feeling of her was enough to finally drive him to the edge, his hips pushing, pulling, thrusting until he lost control and he -- 

He --

“Chizuru!” 

Everything was hot, bright, and it felt good, just for an instant. 

A single perfect moment. 

And then he was coming back down, pulling from her body to fumble through the room and find something to clean her off with. Didn’t have much energy right now, but… He wanted her again, and if she wanted him again, he’d… 

He’d probably do it. 

Would touch her like this, if she asked him to. 

Would wrap her in his arms, even though he knew one day he’d have to let go. 

Especially because he wanted her to be happy, and… And he couldn’t be selfish and keep her here with him just because she made him feel like this. There were still things he had to do, and he had no right to take a normal life away from her just to have her by his side. 

So this would have to be enough to keep him warm at night for a long time to come. 

Just the memory of this, the memory of returning to her and cleaning her off, of easing his fingers through her thick hair, of wrapping her up in his arms and holding her against his body. It would have to be enough to fill his chest, because even though he didn’t want to die… He already knew that death was going to come for him, that there was no way the Demon could make it out of this alive. 

He’d die with the Bakufu. 

But as he watched her slumbering face, stroked her back, felt her warmth… 

He knew that he’d always live on inside of her, that she’d keep him and the entire Shinsengumi alive through her memories and carry the best parts of them all into the future. 

And right now, that would have to be enough. 


End file.
